Friday, January 21, 2000

Was surfing the web, typed in "pornography", and found a fabulous article off of the Gary Bauer homepage at The extent to which this man is totally insane and trying to take over the world is, frankly, a very scary thing, or would be if I lacked faith in the American people. Which I do, kind of, but whatever. Also, he has no chin. I know this because I was awake at 4am this morning watching Hardball on MSNBC, baked out of my fucking mind, and Chris Matthews or whatever the commentator-dude's name is was trying very hard not to mock Gary Bauer's dreams of winning the Republican nomination. Also, has anyone else noticed how everyone in the Christian right has very shiny skin? The effect of this shiny skin is that it triggers a reaction in me wherein I want terribly to reach into the television set, pull Gary Bauer into my common room, tear down his pinstripe suit pants and cotton tightie-whities, and rip his balls off with my bare hands.

Anyway, so let's get this right out in the open between me and Gary Bauer. I love pornography. I love pornography. According to Dr. Harold Voth, a professor at the Karl Menninger School of Psychiatry, who is quoted in said article on said webpage:

"By permitting the ever-expanding display of pornography, or sexually explicit material on the printed page, in theaters, on television (regular TV, cable and satellite), our social structure is being bombarded continuously by powerful erosive stimuli. Sexuality in its mature form is a necessary aspect of the heterosexual bond and the stability of the family. The massive unleashing of sexuality which is occurring in Western civilization is a reflection of cultural decline. It is well-known that an inverse relationship exists between indiscriminate sexual expression and cultural excellence."

I am not sure who, exactly, knows well that an inverse relationship exists between indiscriminate sexual expression and cultural excellence. The ancient Greeks fucked anything that moved, and they certainly acheived cultural excellence. The Borgias, the Prince Regent, the intelligentsia of 18th century Paris, the Bloomsbury Group. All those people were screwing like rabbits, with nary a thought for the bond of holy matrimony. And I am not trying to say that periods of cultural excellence were caused by indiscriminate and unprotected sex, but rather that said sex seemed to accompany those periods. For whatever reason, people who believe that sexuality in any form is something more than a necessary aspect of the heterosexual bond and the stability of the family, and who moreover question the idea of stability having aspects, seem to create cultural excellence considerably better than shiny-faced white men who think that being born with a two-inch dick gives them the right to walk around telling other people what to do with their lives.

But I want to be fair. Just because I happen to think that Gary Bauer is a self-righteous waste of perfectly good oxygen does not mean that I should deride his penis size. Such derision demonstrates a lack of respect for others. So I'd like to quickly establish that as a matter of fact, penis size is relatively unimportant to me. Yes, I think the penis needs to be large enough to - as it were - make itself felt, but beyond that, I am not picky. I judge the human being to whom the penis is attached. And so I deride Gary Bauer's penis size because he is not worth respect.

This is what I wonder: what happens in fifty years when crazy men like him have taken over the country, and we're all back where my great-grandmother was, metaphorically speaking. As opposed to literally speaking, which was Iowa, and I don't ever see myself there in this lifetime. What do we do? This freedom thing is looking pretty good, but it's not so strong. Gary Bauer is right, even though he's wrong. He says cultural excellence, but he means social cohesion, and the price of social cohesion is the loss of personal freedom. Look at what happened to the Borgias, to the Athenians. They had a fabulous time and then they splintered, because social cohesion is a product of oppression, and when people are free to sleep with whomever they want, then there's no more social cohesion, and the society crumbles. Apres moi, le deluge. To do the right thing is always suicide.