How To Disappear Completely And Never Be Found

Well then. This is my homepage. And the above is the title of a book which became the title of a Radiohead song which became the title of a poem I wrote last week. I wrote the poem without hearing the song, before I knew that the title of the song was the title of a book on faking your own death. A subject which I discussed at length with my friend Nick, whose father is a police officer. Chief Salvato. Anyway, according to Chief Salvato, the way you do it is that you go to a graveyard and find the grave of someone born around the same time as you, which makes it easier the older you get, for obvious reasons unrelated to age discrimination, and then you go get their birth certificate from the town hall or whatever, and you have a new identity. Presto. Reduce, reuse, recycle...

So this is my second HTML experience. I learned HTML from a very nice HTML tutorial by a very nice young man named Eric at Case Western Reserve University. My first HTML experience being the Kruller staff page, Kruller being the literary magazine I am involved with here at The University Formerly Known As The College of New Jersey, and it's actual homepage being located here and the staff page, which is my admittedly very loud creation, being located here.

Since I have just recently learned the art of the unordered list, many thanks to the above-mentioned Eric, there are loads of really thrilling things you can do here on my webpage. Love them and hug them but please, please, don't call them jelly.

Speaking of Nick, he recently informed me that I am a ne'er do well. I haven't decided yet whether I take issue with that or whether I should just admit he's absolutely spot on.

Places to go and people to see

Authorities Here Are Alert

My old new webpage, which should not be confused with
The Agnostic Gospels, my old new webpage, or
The Wall, my original AOL webpage, which was renamed The Carpet. You know how life is.

The Fallout Shelter

My friend Tristan's homepage. Tristan is one of my most favorite cohorts. If for no other reason than that I can get hours of endless entertainment out of the fact that this girl Courtney is totally convinced that he is hung like an elephant. He pretends to be embarrassed. Really it's just a confirmation of what he knew all along.

Kendra's Homepage

Belonging, ironically enough, to Miss Kendra L. Melrose, Esq. It's the breast page on the net. You'll see what I mean when you get there.

Agent Greenie's Electronic Funnyfarm

A page belonging to my friend Kayte, who is my friend from summer camp. Okay, fine, I admit it. She's my friend from a summer enrichment program. One of those gifted deals. We wrote creatively together for three summers. I am so not interested in shit from anyone, so don't even go there. CTY was a great time, dammit.

Carlynn's address book, minus the above

This should be an interesting exercise. See what's there and all. Oh yeah, Radiohead links are on my Radiohead page. All the more reason you should go there.

Nathan Beach's Art Gallery

Richard Lanyon's homepage

I don't actually know this guy. He's on the Radiohead mailing list (for more info on that, go to my Radiohead page, and no I am not going to give you another hypertext link, thank you very much) and is a PhD candidate in something intensely complicated like neurology. It involves ferrets. Some guy brought his ferret to visit my next door neighbor once, and then wanted me to look after it. It was the most traumatizing thing. Her name was Thelma. When she climbed up into the radiator I made her owner take her back cos I didn't want to deal with the emotional trauma if she died in my care.

Visual Reality

This is so cool I can't even deal.

Kruller, King of the Wild Frontier

Go here. Read good writing.

The Irving Plaza Homepage

...which is maintained by Chris, who once saved my emotional health. I lost my tickets to the Radiohead concert at IP last June (along with $200 worth of Tibetan Freedom Concert tickets and my passport) when my planner was lost/stolen (five days before I went to London for the summer) and Chris very kindly put me on the guest list. Which enabled me to be the first person into the venue and front row center up against the barricade but I move on. Anyway, I am forever grateful. Go check it out.

Slap A Spicegirl

a game you absolutely positively should not check out unless you want to fail out of school. I spent a large chunk of freshman year reading period playing Slap the Spicegirl, prompting my roommate, Leah, to come into my bedroom, sit down on the bed, and say, "Carlynn, you have a ten to fifteen page paper on Dante's Inferno due in three days. Don't you think you ought to read the book already?" Which logic, I might add, was unavoidable.

Slap a Spicegirl belongs to an e-zine called Urban 75, which claims to be hovering at the approximate cusp of British rave culture. Whether or not this is true, they have a nifty section on drugs, with scientific, legal, and common sense advice on pot, heroin, and everything in between. I recommend it.

La Malinche

An article on La Malinche, Hernan Cortes' native interpreter and mistress.

Bert and Ernie's Fucking Funny Page

Fucking, anyway. More sex jokes than you knew existed. There's a mailing list, but why bother.

Music videos on demand. Very nice.

Magellan Interactive Atlas

Finally, I found a decent map on the web. Why was it so hard?

The 1998 Tibetan Freedom Festival Homepage

Don't get me started on how bitter I am that it sold out before I could get through to Ticketmaster.

HTML Color Conversion Chart

...because the HTML Standards Committee, or whatever the fuck they call themselves, should be shot for the insane difficulty of figuring out the alphanumeric code for colors. This page does it for you. Praise the fucking lord.

back to front
back to Murder in the Cathedral